The “Holy Shits, Fuck Yeahs, and What the Fucks of my stupid gaming life.” Part 1: 1986-1990.
“What the shit is this?” you might ask. Well, it’s a compendium of gaming moments that stand out most in my mind from all my years of this stupid hobby. Only the strongest memories will be compiled into this list of lists, and I’m hopeful that it will bring some reading pleasure to those who check it out… maybe it’ll strike some cords. Maybe it’ll make some laughs. Total fucking nerd? This is for you…
And now the categories.
- Holy Shits - Holy Shit! These are the moments that are just plain fucking rad. Have it be a gnarly boss, a bad ass intro, or some crazy plot twist, Holy Shits are those that make you say just that. Holy Fucking Shit.
- Fuck Yeahs - Gamecube launch? Fuck Yeah. Snake announced for Brawl? Fuck Yeah. Beat Battletoads stage 3? Fuck Yeah.
- What the Fucks - Commonly known as “huh?” or “wut?”. Moments like this just leave you scratching your head, or just hanging it in shame.
Here we go.
[Fuck Yeah. 1987.] My Bro’s 6th birthday.
This one here is, from what I can recall, my oldest gaming memory. My brother Steve turns 6 on August 15th, 1987. At this point in time, I am six days away from becoming 2 years old. I’m sitting in my highchair in the dining room during Steve’s birthday party. His dumb fucking friends are all crowded around the table (after what I presume was the ceremonial feast of cake, ice-cream and soda) to engage in one of the most socially awkward activities of all time… opening gifts. After a flurry of unwrapping He-Man this after He-Man that, my mom busts out the Buzz Lightyear of the 1980’s. A mammoth box that puts the others to shame is handed to my bro. From the looks of it, Steve knows what it is… shit, everyone in the damn room knows. A box this heavy and big, in the late 80’s, for a boys 6th birthday can only be one two things, and it ‘aint a fucking BMX bike. Steve rips that shit open and crumbs of cake fall from his friends’ awe-struck mouths. Fuck Yeah, it’s a Nintendo Entertainment System. Control Deck, Mario/Duckhunt dual-cart, Zapper, two controllers, the works. You can throw those other toys in the trash, Mr. Mendoza… now you’re playing with power.
[Holy Shit. 1988.] Duck Hunt.
I can shoot ducks on a screen with a gun!? Holy Shit!
[Fuck Yeah. 1990.] My Mom ‘beats’ Tetris.
It’s midnight, and a scream awakes me from my sleep. It’s coming from the room across from mine in our little crappy house. Springing out of bed, I meet with my brother to check on what the commotion is… My mom is screaming about how she just beat Tetris B-Mode. Speed 9, Hight 5 is as hard as that shit got back then, and my Mom beat it. After our eyes focus on the screen, we see all our favorite Nintendo characters dancing and playing instruments on this bad-ass Tetris ending. Fuck Yeah, Mom. You’re rad.
-Stay tuned for Part 2. More vivid memories to come.-
